fucking_ebay

Bertie,

You're the one he went to?

Zephyr and I talked and it's not going to happen again. I'm going to wish myself back human ~~soon~~ ~~when I'm ready~~ soon, and I'm not going to hurt anyone else. Trust me.

Peter

Is he actually alright now or was he full of shit when he said it was all healed?

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Peter,

Well, when a chap's got an infection running through the wound down to the bone, it does dashed funny things to the noodle. Calling in young Bertram would seem to fall in the mix. I healed him, but Great Scots, did you ever do a number. It hurt like billy-o!

Why haven't you wished yourself human if you've got the green light from Zephyr? What even set you off?

Best,
Bertie

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I was trying to eat him. Is that what you wanted to hear? Tried to eat one of the trolls, too, you might as well know about that one too. Turns out the balsamic vinegar didn't help.

I told you I'm going to wish it off.

Peter

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You tried to eat two people? Dear god! Is he all right? You didn't take a piece out of him, too? Oh, golly, what a mess, old boy. I do hope you'll be wishing it off in the nearish to immediate?

Best,
Bertie

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He was alive the last time I saw him.

~~What if I didn't?~~ Yes, mother, I'll ask the child who runs our lives to transform me into a completely different species tonight. Don't worry, I'm done thinking about the ramifications of asking gods for favors, and I am entirely alright with the idea of the kid mucking about in my DNA.

Peter

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Just tell them you want to be human again and you'll have it sorted out. Really, they've turned me into a vampire and back again without anything happening. And they've swapped around other people's species, fixed legs, so on and whatnot. The only thing they ever want is support and belief. That's how they work things out for themselves. They want to do us favors. When we're happy, they're in the pink, too!

And if you can't bring yourself to do it, I can see to it for you.

Best,
Bertie

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This is all your fucking fault, Bertie.

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~~What?~~

[He stops and just stares down before scratching the word out. This nonsense. Bertie stands up, fetches his hat and gloves and heads for Peter's house.]

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Peter what the fuck why is Zephyr asking me what sad()mas()chism means d() y()u have n() c()gnitive-v()cal filter at all

-

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It's not like I told them what it is. I'm not a fucking idiot, I know Zephyr's just a kid.

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Kids g() l()()king f()r answers when they think s()me()ne's h()lding ()ut, dude, that's what kids d(), maybe y()u sh()uld have remembered they're a wiggler bef()re y()u started speculating ab()ut ()ther pe()ple's c()ncupiscent pr()clavities in fr()nt ()f them

G()d fucking damn it this is why civilized species limit c()ntact between adults and children

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Doesn't mean anyone has to tell them. Last I checked Zephyr was all about things like free will. I told them I'd tell them about it when they're older, and I will. Not your problem.

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S() y()u're just g()ing t() gamble that n() ()ne else will be willing t() explain the featherbeasts and the c()mmunal insects t() them until y()u deign t()? W()w, dude

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Yeah, I'm going to assume no one here is enough of an idiot to explain sadomasochism to a child who also happens to be a god. Am I giving you too much credit or something?

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And I w()uld have liked t() assume n() ()ne ar()und here was en()ugh ()f an idi()t t() bring the subject up with them in the first place, but apparently that was giving y()u t()() much credit and n()w I can never unsee "will y()u tell me what sad()mas()chism is?" written in Zephyr's handwriting

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[He laughs at this letter for a while, but then the more serious implications hit him, same as they hit him when he was talking to Zephyr.]

You didn't tell them, did you?

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D()n't get like that I didn't tell them anything inappr()priate. But dude, I think they were kind ()f w()rried by the idea that s()me()ne w()uld want t() be hurt? Especially ()ne ()f their L()st pe()ple. They get pr()tective s()metimes

I t()ld them that s()metimes pe()ple's cerebral sp()nges are wired a little sideways in a way that can make pain feel g()()d

And that then th()se pe()ple and the pe()ple wh() care ab()ut them have t() be careful s() n() ()ne has t() d() anything they aren't c()mf()rtable with ()r gets hurt ()r traumatized

I'm n()t ab()ut t() talk ab()ut sex stuff with them! But I d()n't like evading their questi()ns when I can help it. Bl()wing them ()ff seems like a really g()()d way t() c()nvince them I'm hiding s()mething interesting

PS I'm pretty sure using physical size as a sh()rthand f()r s()cial maturity is g()ing t() bl()w up in y()ur face s()()ner ()r later

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I guess you could have done worse.

Fuck if I know how old Zephyr was. They said 11 seasons but they're obviously not a 3 year old, and they agreed not to cheat with god bullshit.

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They d()n't mature at the same rate as humans ()r tr()lls d(), anyway

I've been here a bit m()re than a sweep, and in that time they've g()ne fr()m being
incapable ()f physically manifesting at all
t() l()()king like a barely p()st-pupal kid - I'm n()t sure what the human equivalent is? But tiny and clumsy and just barely able t() c()mmunicate
t() h()w they are n()w

I d()n't kn()w h()w much ()f an existence they had bef()re they br()ught us here, but they call the date we first sh()wed up here their "birthday," and that was pretty cl()se ()n three years ag() n()w

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They said they were older than three years.

Look, I'm not telling the kid about kinky sex shit and you got it covered, so no harm done.

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escapedbird

[After much hemming and hawing on her part, Elizabeth finally pens a letter to the apparent other monster living in the Meadous. Her writing is neat and very precise for someone with blunted hard fingernails handling a pen.]

Hello,

I am Elizabeth. I've only arrived a few days back myself.

I was told in passing correspondence with Zephyr you arrived from the Ryslig Peninsula as well. Given the nature of this place I was curious to see how you've been settling thus far. This place is a grand departure from what we've both experienced in the peninsula.

Is Zephyr what he seems to be? I am personally having a hard time really believing things can be this peaceful.

If you ever wish to speak personally I reside at 9333 Toffee Blvd.

Thank you for your time,

Elizabeth.

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[Days go by and Peter reads the letter again and again before he can bring himself to answer. It's no one he knows; he can't say if this is one of the good ones or one of the bad, though her vague distrust of Zephyr is, uncomfortably enough, a good sign in his eyes.

He should probably go round and see her. He absolutely does not want to do so right now.]

Zephyr's a kid. They mean well, that part's real enough. As far as I can tell all they want out of us is for us to live in their little fishbowl and belong to them. Easy gig after our mutual acquaintances in Ryslig, but you'll notice we still don't have a lot of choice.

When you wish to be human again, you're going to want to phrase it carefully.

Do you know Flash or Ginko? What are you right now?

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escapedbird

[In contrast, Elizabeth's response only takes a day before it finds itself in Peter's mailbox. She keeps her thoughts on wishing herself human again to herself for now.]

Given what gods have done to use before, it is still an uncomfortable thought we are playthings once again. Be it for a child with apparent good intentions.

I see. Did you have problems with that? You sound like you have experience with such.

I heard of someone named Ginko, but had never met him. I am bull I suppose? I do not quite know the appropriate terminology. I have grown hooves and the like before my arrival here.

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